Lisa, Marital Ties, & the Western World: Reflections on Family & Happiness

The topic I’m addressing today is not just sensitive; it’s profoundly important. I feel a deep personal connection and a sense of responsibility to share my observations on a matter that transcends geography and touches all of us as human beings: the dynamics of family and marital happiness. Let’s approach this with an open mind.

Recently, during a week-long business trip to Bowling Green, Ohio, I found myself reflecting deeply on these themes. Towards the end of my trip, I visited Dillard’s to buy gifts for my wife and children. An elderly saleslady kindly introduced me to a younger colleague.

“I’ll assign you a beautiful young girl who can suggest better things for your lovely wife,” she said.

That’s how I met Lisa (name changed for privacy), a pretty woman in her early thirties, radiating a warm, infectious smile.

“Hello, welcome to Dillard’s! How may I help you today?” she greeted me.

“Hello. Nice to see you. What’s your good name?” I asked.

“I’m Lisa,” she replied.

“Beautiful,” I commented, hoping to make her feel at ease with a customer from a different part of the world.

“You don’t seem to be American. Where are you from?” she asked, noticing my accent.

“Yes, I’m Indian, living in Qatar,” I responded.

“Wow! The FIFA World Cup… Qatar, right?” she linked the country to the recent event.

“Yeah, that Qatar,” I laughed, noting the common pronunciation difference.

“I know that country well,” Lisa said, a hint of something unspoken in her voice.

“Oh, that’s interesting. How so?” I inquired, curious.

“I was there,” she replied passively.

“Did you like it?” I pressed gently.

“The country is really amazing. Lots of peace,” she confirmed.

I tend to be a talkative person, believing in connecting with people on a personal level. As we chatted, I sensed a subtle melancholy in Lisa, despite her beauty. Her eyes, though lovely, seemed to lack a certain sparkle.

“Okay, what would you like to see today?” she asked, smoothly steering us back to business.

She showed me various handbags, engaging passionately, perhaps because I was from a place she’d lived. She asked about my wife’s preferences and then, quite directly, inquired about my own marriage.

“When did you get married?” she asked.

“2013,” I replied, a bit taken aback by the personal question.

“That’s pretty long,” she murmured.

“Are you married?” I asked in return, and the momentary cheerfulness that had brightened her face seemed to dissipate.

“I was married, but I am single now,” she stated, confirming my earlier observations.

It turned out her husband had been a diplomat in Qatar, and they had divorced. I didn’t press for details, but it led me to reflect on a pattern I’ve observed. In the Western world, the frequency of marital separations appears to be significantly higher than in my cultural background. This isn’t a judgment, but an observation of differing approaches to lifelong partnerships. While I recognize the complexity of every individual situation, the idea of repeated separations and subsequent marriages feels quite different from the societal norms I’ve known, where the emphasis is often on maintaining one marital bond throughout life. As I shared some thoughts on the importance of enduring marital ties, I noticed Lisa’s eyes welling up. My heart ached for her, understanding I could offer no immediate solution.

This interaction with Lisa echoed similar conversations I’ve had with many American and European friends and colleagues. It often feels like a pervasive narrative. I’ve wondered if people in the West truly become accustomed to these marital disruptions, or if they, too, experience significant emotional upheaval. In many Eastern cultures, divorce still carries a notable social and familial stigma, viewed as a substantial loss for all involved: spouses, children, and extended families. I am certain that Western counterparts also experience emotional turmoil, regardless of how common such separations may seem.

Another encounter deepened these reflections. I booked an Uber, and a kind lady driving a Honda CRV arrived. I often strike up conversations with taxi drivers; it’s a chance to learn from their unique experiences. This evening was cold, with early signs of snow.

“Oh, I see… so you must be rushing home. Your family must be waiting for you,” I said, making conversation.

“Oh no, no one is waiting at home,” she replied casually.

“Oh… don’t you have kids?” I asked, a bit confused.

“I don’t have kids,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Oh… I’m sorry,” I felt a pang of embarrassment for my assumption.

“You don’t need to be. It’s alright. I’m not married, actually,” she reassured me.

“I see. Not a problem,” I tried to shift the conversation. “So, you live alone then?”

“No, I live with my friend,” she replied.

“That’s good,” I said, acknowledging her living situation.

“We’ve been living together for fifteen years,” she informed me.

“Is your friend male or female?” I asked, curious about the nature of their long-term arrangement.

“He is male. We’re not married, but we live together,” she explained.

“Why don’t you get married then?” I asked, surprised by their unconventional arrangement from my cultural perspective.

“No, we prefer to live like this. We enjoy our relationship,” she said calmly.

This was unfamiliar territory for me. My society often categorizes relationships based on specific ethical and legal frameworks. The driver was incredibly friendly and caring, helping me pick up dinner and ensuring I reached my hotel safely. I felt a genuine connection with her and continue to wish her well. Similarly, my thoughts and good wishes extend to Lisa.

I don’t believe I have the right to dictate how others live, nor is it realistic to expect everyone to conform to a single ideal. However, based on my own experiences and observations, I sincerely believe that a life dedicated to family well-being and happiness is a profound blessing. Such a life, anchored in commitment, often flourishes with purity, love, trust, loyalty, safety, and immense joy. While I may not be a catalyst for change for everyone, we can all draw inspiration from exemplary lives. For instance, the Obamas, irrespective of political views, offer a public example of dedication in their marital life.

Dignity, peace, and happiness are fundamental human aspirations. It’s important for each of us to strive for these. Positive change can begin at an individual level. We should all reflect on how we can foster healthier, happier relationships for the betterment of our lives and those around us. Here are some suggestions for nurturing a life that is truly dedicated to our spouses, children, and parents, and filled with abundant happiness, even amidst life’s challenges:

• Understanding and Respecting Rights: Strive to understand and fulfill each person’s rights within the family unit. Remember that rights extend beyond legal documents.
• Flexibility and Acceptance with Spouses: Cultivate resilience and flexibility. Accept your partner for who they are, understanding that no one is perfect.
• Prioritizing Solutions Over Separation: While separation can be unavoidable in some extreme cases, it shouldn’t be the default option. Many marital challenges can be overcome with effort and commitment. Viewing separation as a first resort can lead to unnecessary endings over minor differences.
• Exhausting All Avenues: Explore every possible solution before considering separation. There’s often a path forward even when things seem stagnant.
• Considering Children’s Well-being: Always reflect on the potential adverse effects your decisions may have on children. Their well-being should be a paramount consideration.
• Defining Love: Remember that love involves accepting, embracing, caring for, protecting, and consistently desiring to be together.

Back in my hotel, arranging my suitcase, I found a small note from Lisa: “Happy Safe Journey Back Home” with a big smiley. My heart warmed, and I offered a silent prayer for her: “A Happy, Safe Journey in Her Life.”